Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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