She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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