Just mADE A PArabola og urine
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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