My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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