oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
