if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
True strength comes from lack of pants
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
