there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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