She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
