I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
