I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
