I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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