i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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