i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
