Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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