we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
