he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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