You work out of a Hotel?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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