oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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