you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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