never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
