i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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