Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
