are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
