I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
