Ketchup is God's man juice
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
