People with herpes should wear stickers.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
