It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
