Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
