I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
