he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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