You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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