So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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