need another drink. this is the easiest way
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
