Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
