Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
