Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
