So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
