I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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