I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
