we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
