A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
