but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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