I'm drive I can fine osifer
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
