i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
