is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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