i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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