His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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