A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
