HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Let's get the cat blown out
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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