I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
