So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
