For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
