Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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